About me
Hi, I'm Enikő. If you're interested in my story, read on. But be careful, it's a bit long.
I suggest a mug of coffee, tea, or hot chocolate, whichever you like.
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Traumas happen to us at all ages. Some are minor, some are major. Some are truly devastating. That's why I turned to ask for help in 2020. No, not because of Covid. But because by then my energy and hope had run out, because my "I'll figure it out on my own" technique, which I had been using for several years, wasn't working.
2016, The beginning of the break point
It started in the spring of 2016, when my ex-husband and I decided to start a family at the age of 35, but the above had other plans. So after regular hospital visits, we ended up losing our baby. Needless to say, my soul was in turmoil. The anger and jealousy tore me apart from the inside. I didn't vent it, I didn't express it, but I let it out nicely, as I usually do. (I rarely spilled the potty. It was usually preceded by a few months, years of tolerance and tension, before the dragon came out of me. Today I don't keep it to myself, at least not for that long. I usually talk about what bothers me.) My grandma died 2 weeks earlier. It really upset me, even though she was nowhere near the loving, kind grandmother she was. In any case, something broke inside me. The night tossing, sweating, and irritability started. My grandfather died in 2017. That's when the sleepless nights started. Until that, I've never had a problem sleeping. I've always slept deeply, continuously, and a lot. In 2018, my then-perfect 9-year relationship suddenly fell apart. He was the only person I trusted from the beginning of our relationship. I knew that anything could happen; he would never let me down. He would never take advantage of me, cheat on me, abuse my emotions, or criticize me. He was my everything, someone I couldn't imagine my life without. Then this security collapsed in minutes. No, he wasn't the bad guy... But I don't blame myself either anymore. I completely accidentally (Yes, it was.) had a crush on one of my bosses. He's a family man... This triple combo totally floored me. 1) As a child, I vowed that I would not be a woman who would tear families apart and break hearts. 2) I would never start a relationship with management, lest someone say that I only achieved something because I spread my legs for the right person and that I would be unable to achieve anything on my own. 3) Why would I look for anyone when the perfect guy was my partner and we were just getting ready for the wedding? I loved every movement, every part of my ex-partner. +1) The other guy wasn't exactly a George Clooney. On the other hand, my ex-husband was a very good-looking, handsome man. He still is to this day. So, in 2 years, I had plenty of days full of trials. As soon as I got out of one shit, I got another. Since my work was negatively affected by the events, they recommended that I start seeing a psychologist and taking medication. I went to a psychologist once, never again...
2020, Escape from Hell of Hells
4 years after my first major adult trauma, 2020 has come, a time of despair. What should I do now? There were days, weeks when I only thought I could kill myself. I remember it was Christmas, and for the first time in my life I got 2 weeks off for the holidays because my siblings came to visit us. I was going through hell. During the day, I prayed to God several times to drive away my suicidal thoughts. To give me strength not to do anything stupid. And before going to bed, I prayed to survive the night. Because every night I was terrified of death, I was shaking, I had nightmares. Luckily, a few months later, I met a family and the lady suggested that I go for a Family Constellation Therapy. I had the strangest, most inexplicable experiences of my life there. I loved every minute of it, even the ones that made me shiver, so I went back quite often. Did it help? It helped in many ways, but by then I was so deep that I had difficulty getting out of the negative spiral. And of course, I didn't have much patience anymore. Even though I had already gone through countless Family Constellation sessions, Access Bars treatments (and courses). It was all very good in its own way. I felt damn good in my skin for a few days, weeks, but it didn't achieve lasting improvement. I was not okay in my head.
Autumn 2020 - Extreme wave peaks and wave valleys, but there is still a way out
That's when I found ThetaHealing®. That one time, with this rapid technique, I started to feel like I was missing shit by evening! That pleasantly smelling large dose of thick manure that I had been swimming in for years had disappeared. Whether this was just due to ThetaHealing® or the combined effect of the excessive regular turbo-level energetic therapies, I don't know. In any case, my life turned 180 degrees, in a good direction. Yes, but I wasn't prepared for this, mentally... I also broke mentally... Panic attacks came every day. I went to bed every night with a fear of death for about a year. I refused to take medication; I was afraid I would become addicted. Unfortunately, this is also genetically in my blood. There is nothing left to do but to become mentally stronger. I started with self-awareness, then I focused on positive thinking, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, and since October 2022 I have been regularly consulting with a Life Coach.
Early 2024. Back to the Spiritual world
Since January 2024, I felt that I was okay now, but something was missing. I looked back at the Spiritual world and realized that (for me) I need to strengthen not only mentally, but also spiritually. With my world constantly collapsing since 2016, I lost my faith. I was never deeply religious, but after that, I couldn't believe in God, especially his good intentions. I also lost my faith in the sanctity of marriage. I lost my faith in the power of love. I lost my faith in myself. I lost my faith in the support of my family. Someone in my family advised me that the perfect solution would be to take a cold shower. Someone said that they couldn't help me, that I had to solve this alone and even took 2 steps back instead of hugging me. I felt very lonely. Okay. Something needs to be done about this, because you can't build a relationship or a career on this gigantic lack.
Spring 2024, when ThetaHealing® opened its golden gates
I went on my second Theta digging in the spring of 2024. By then, I was ready to embrace the good things.
I faced a lot of terribly flawed beliefs. I also processed a lot of fears. I also had a lot to do with envy and jealousy. I am converting a series of resentments into forgiveness in today's day and age. I am learning to value myself. I am learning to love myself, just the way I am. And yet I am nowhere near perfect. Just ask my family or my colleagues. They could list countless negative qualities. But I think most of these are just a matter of situation and perspective. Anyway. Not everyone can be a Yes man. I am learning how to accept others with whom I completely disagree. I am learning not to want to help everyone except those who ask. I am still learning a lot. Will I ever be perfectly well? No way. There is no such thing.
But I choose to be better today than I was yesterday. Even if it's just one anthill, that's already a success for me.
Since I started to regularly cleanse myself with ThetaHealing®, I have been much better. I have changed a lot, and with it my relationships and my everyday life. I look at my imperfectly perfect parents and grandparents differently.
If I can change, then anyone can. Regardless of gender and age.
It's a lot of work, but it's worth it. It's been worth it for me. I've never had such peace and acceptance in my soul. The weight of everyday problems doesn't linger in my head for months like it used to. I get out of the vortex in a few minutes, as soon as I feel it starting to suck me in.
As a result of the many "small" positive changes, I have completed several ThetaHealing® courses, will soon take the next one, and will continue to the higher levels. Not only did I find myself in this, but I also realized that I want to make the lives of those people who are willing to change better.
Because there's no need to change. If you're satisfied with your life and your relationships, that's great.
We are extremely lucky that there are many techniques and tools available, and we don't have to suffer for years or solve everything on our own. And we are starting to realize that it's not embarrassing to ask for help.