Eniko Medgyesi
Certified ThetaHealing®
Consultant & Instructor
0044(0)7346591714
About Me
Hi, I’m Eniko.
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If you would like to know where I started from, why inner work became so important to me, and how I got to the point where I now support others on this path, keep reading.
But just so you know: this will not be a short, neatly polished, “everything has always been wonderful” kind of story.
I suggest you make yourself a big mug of coffee, tea, or a glass of something.
Whatever you like.
This is just me. Honestly.
I am not here because I have always been strong.
I am here because I learnt how to get back up, even when I truly thought I would not be able to.
When my world started falling apart
The spring of 2016 began one of the deepest periods of my life — a period that later completely reshaped the way I looked at myself, relationships, loss, faith and healing.
I was 35, and my then husband and I were preparing to start a family. We thought this would be the next shared chapter of our lives. But life — or the universe — had other plans. After regular hospital appointments, we lost our little girl.
There is no pretty way to say this.
My soul raged.
I was angry. I was jealous. It hurt.
And, of course, I was trying to “behave”.
I did not scream at the world. I did not fall apart in a visibly dramatic way. I did not let it all out. I swallowed it down, as I usually did back then.
With me, the fuse rarely blows straight away.
Usually months, sometimes years of tension gather inside me before I finally explode at some poor soul.
These days, I do not work like that anymore.
Or at least, I do not wait that long.
If something bothers me, I try to say it sooner and more honestly.
Two weeks before we lost the baby, my grandmother died. She was not the classic soft, cuddly grandmother type, but I loved her deeply. Something broke inside me then too.
Then in 2017, my grandfather died as well.
That was when the sleepless nights began. Until then, I had never really had an issue with sleep. I always slept like a bear. Then the nights of tossing and turning began, the sweating, the irritability, the inner tension.
And it still was not over.
The platonic love that shattered my sense of safety
In 2018, my relationship of what was then nine years suddenly ended up in ruins.
My then husband had been the person I trusted completely from the very beginning.
Not in the “good man, I would trade thirty for him” kind of way, but properly.
I never, ever imagined he would leave me, use me, cheat on me, misuse my feelings or criticise me.
To me, he was everything.
The person I could not imagine my life without.
And then, in a very short time, that inner sense of safety collapsed.
No, he was not the bad guy.
But I did carry a lot of guilt back then.
I was terrified — and yes, I am actually living through this as I write it — because I fell for one of my bosses.
Platonically, but all the more destructively. And he was a married man.
This situation hit so hard because it was not just a feeling. It clashed with three very strong childhood vows.
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As a child, I had promised myself that I would never become the kind of woman who breaks up families and breaks hearts.
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I had also promised myself that I would never get involved with anyone in management or a boss, so nobody could ever say I only got somewhere because I “put myself in the right bed”.
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And there I was, not even looking for anyone, because I already had the “perfect” partner beside me, the one I was planning a future with.
Plus, the other man was not exactly George Clooney.
My then husband, on the other hand, was (and still is) a good-looking man.
So I did not understand myself.
I did not understand what was happening inside me.
And the less I understood, the more I fell apart.
Over two years, I had more than enough tests. One thing came back clear, then the next.
Because of the workplace accident, they advised me to see a psychologist and start physiotherapy.
So I went to a psychologist once.
And after that, my feeling was: never again.
Not because psychology is bad. But because, in the state I was in, with that experience and with that person, it was not something I could hold on to.
The lowest point
By 2020, my strength was gone.
Not because of Covid.
But because by then, years of grief, loss, shame, guilt, relationship pain, fear and loneliness had all piled on top of each other.
There were days and weeks when I could not see any other way out than for the whole thing to end.
It was around Christmas. For the first time in my life, I had two weeks off over the holidays because my brother and his family came to visit us. From the outside, it could have looked like a lovely time.
Inside, I was walking through hell.
During the day, I prayed to God several times to chase away the suicidal thoughts. To give me strength not to do anything stupid.
And before going to sleep, I prayed that I would survive the night.
Because at night, the fear of death would come over me. I was shaking, having nightmares, and it felt as if my own nervous system had turned against me.
This is the part I do not want to wrap in pretty paper.
By then, it was no longer about “self-development”.
It was about somehow surviving the next day. The next night. The next breath.
I searched, I tried, I held on
A few months later, I met a family, and the mother suggested I try family constellations.
It was one of the strangest, most unexplainable experiences of my life. I adored every minute of it — including the people I thought I would go cold towards.
I went back quite a few times.
Did it help?
Yes. In many ways.
But by then I had gone so deep into the negative spiral that it was hard to climb out of it.
And honestly? I did not have much patience left either.
I attended family constellations, Access Bars sessions and courses. I tried several energetic and self-awareness methods. Each of them gave me something. Some made me feel bloody good for a few days or even weeks.
But I still was not truly well.
Something was still not right in my head.
When I first met ThetaHealing®
In the autumn of 2020, I found ThetaHealing®.
After the first session, something very strange happened. Not that everything suddenly turned pink and I started running happily into the sunset.
It was more like this feeling:
something was missing.
That pleasantly stinking, huge pile of dense crap I had been swimming in for years was suddenly just not there.
I know it was not only thanks to ThetaHealing®. It was probably the combined effect of my regular hard work and everything else I had tried. I do not want to act as if everything can be explained by one thing.
But I do know that something shifted deeply.
My life began to turn around by 180 degrees. In a good direction.
Except I was not mentally prepared for it.
When someone is unwell for years, the bad can start to feel familiar. And when it begins to disappear, that can also feel frightening.
For me, the panic attacks came. Daily. I went to bed every night with a fear of death, for about a year.
I did not want to take medication because I was afraid of becoming dependent on it. Addiction is strongly present in my family/genetic line, and that fear switched on intensely in me.
So I had no choice. I had to strengthen myself mentally too.
I began working with self-awareness.
Positive thinking came in, more consciously.
A cognitive behavioural therapy perspective came in.
And from October 2022, I also started having regular sessions with a life coach.
ThetaHealing® did not replace these things.
It opened a new, deeper layer within me.
Losing my faith
By the beginning of 2024, I was much better.
But something was still missing.
I realised that I did not only need to become stronger mentally.
I needed to become stronger spiritually too.
As my world kept collapsing around me and inside me from 2016 onwards, I lost my faith.
I had never been a deeply religious person. I did not go to church every Sunday. I did not live a strictly religious life. But there had always been some kind of faith in me. A quiet inner trust that there is something greater than us. That God, the Creator, the Universe — call it whatever you want — is generally working with good intentions.
Then, after the losses came, after losing the baby, the grief, the relationship collapse, the inner breakdown, the panic, the fear of death and the loneliness, I simply could no longer believe that all of this was guided by some good intention.
I could not believe in God’s good intention.
I could not believe that I was loved.
I could not believe that life was holding me.
I could not believe that there could be a more meaningful path behind the pain.
I lost my faith in the sacredness of marriage.
I lost my faith in the power of love.
I lost my faith in myself.
I lost my faith that my family would really be able to hold me when I fell apart.
Some people simply did not know what to do with me.
Some advised cold showers or long walks.
Some told me that I had to solve it on my own, and then took two steps back when what I may have needed most was a hug.
I do not blame them the way I used to.
But I do not want to erase my own experience either.
And you cannot build a healthy relationship, career or future on that kind of yawning inner absence.
Something had to be done about it.
When ThetaHealing® opened a new door again
In the spring of 2024, I went for my second Theta digging session.
By then, I was ready not just to survive, but to actually receive good things.
I looked at so many faulty beliefs. Fears. Envy. Jealousy. Resentment. Guilt.
The way I functioned in relationships.
The fact that I sometimes wanted to save everyone.
The fact that it was hard for me to value and love myself as I am.
And let me be honest: I am nowhere near perfect.
Just ask my family or my former colleagues. I am sure they could list a few negative qualities.
But I think a lot of this is about perspective too. After all, not everybody can be bloody sweet and lovely all the time.
I am learning how to accept others even when I do not agree with them completely.
I am learning not to want to help everyone — only those who actually ask for it.
I am learning how to set boundaries.
I am learning not to abandon myself just so other people can feel more comfortable.
Will I ever be perfectly good?
Hell no.
There is no such thing.
But I choose to be better today — better than I was yesterday.
Even if only by an ant’s tiny little step, that still counts as success to me.
What changed in me?
Since I started doing regular deep inner clearing with ThetaHealing®, I am in a much better place.
I have changed a lot, and as I have changed, my relationships, my everyday life and my reactions have changed too. Not overnight, not in some perfect fairytale way, but in small, real, noticeable ways.
I look differently at my imperfectly perfect parents and grandparents.
I look differently at my past.
And I look differently at myself too.
The weight of everyday problems no longer sits in my head for months the way it used to. If I feel an old spiral starting to pull me in, I can often notice it within a few minutes now, and find my way back out.
Not always.
Not perfectly.
But much faster than before.
And for me, that is a huge change.
Because of all these small but powerful positive changes, I have completed several ThetaHealing® courses, and I continue to move forward towards higher levels of learning.
In this work, I did not only find myself again. I also realised something important:
I would like to support those in whom the intention
to change has already been born.
Because you do not have to change.
If you are happy with your life and your relationships, that is absolutely fine.
But if you feel that something no longer works the way you would like it to, you do not have to wait until you completely fall apart.
What I stand for
I do not believe that anyone needs to be “fixed”.
I believe that very often, we are not broken.
There is simply too much old pain, fear, pressure, decision and belief layered on top of us.
And when we begin to look at these things, something inside can finally breathe again.
I am not finished either.
I am learning.
I am growing.
I am human too.
But today, I no longer work from the belief that I have to be perfect in order to help.
I work from knowing what it feels like to come back from somewhere very deep. And I know how much it can mean when someone does not try to fix you, but simply stays safely present with you while you begin to understand what is happening inside.
If I was able to change,
then I believe that possibility is there for you too.
You do not have to arrive perfect.
You only have to arrive honestly.
I am not promising that it will always be easy.
Inner work can sometimes be uncomfortable, sometimes deep, sometimes surprising, sometimes freeing.
But if you feel that you no longer want to keep choosing from the same old inner programme, then it may be time to listen to what is still waiting to be heard within you.
